It’s hard. I graduate this spring, there’s no big feel of accomplishment, I wanted to take a trip to celebrate my five years of hard work but no longer can, I have to force myself to do anything school related because I’m not physically there anymore. Out of all the words in the English language to express the pain and anguish I’m going through, to express the complete uncertainty that comes with graduation now coupled with pandemic uncertainty, all I can manage to express is “it’s hard”.
These days, I feel like everything I learned as a human has just been thrown out the window. Korean indie rock band Se So Neon (pronounced like say-soh-non) released an EP titled Nonadaptation back in February. The EP heavily focuses on what it means for everything that was once familiar being new, the idea of having to continuously adapt to every situation encountered. Now, I know the timing of release is just a big coincidence, but it so perfectly fits with the pandemic. The pure passionate frustration of the guitar coupled with Hwang So-young’s (Korean names go last name, first name. Should I change that for my article?) unique vocals reminds me I’m not the only one having problems right now. I recently watched a YouTube video from talented media critic and analysist SarahZ about television’s musical episodes. In her video, she makes the remark “when there are no words for what we’re feeling, we sing.” Nonadaptation nails that feeling on the head.
I don’t speak Korean very well, but I feel it in my heart. I’m at a loss of words for the amount of dread, terror, and anxiety I’m feeling. Somehow, this EP gets it. Everything that was once familiar is now new. We live in a society that constantly tells us to “not let your emotions get the better of you”, but I think that’s malarkey. We need to take a moment to feel our feelings. Some government officials aren’t handling the situation well, I’m not doing so hot, I’m not handling graduating during a pandemic well. The pure amount of emotions I’m feeling during this time is extremely difficult. Crying may give me temporary release, but I need something for the long-term. So I’ll just keep on making and indulging in art. I have no more words for what I’m feeling, I will create instead.